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RUBY62-9
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1996-10-27
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3KB
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58 lines
Copyright 1996(c)
IT'S THE STUPID ECONOMY, STUPID
From Ruby D. Begonia on the Campaign Wail, or Singin in the
Plane
A Ruby D. Begonia Pearl
"We have kumquats and blueberries
the most lucious cherries,"
Ruby was singing the chorus from 'Yes, we have no bananas,'
a 1930's hit song. Ruby hummed the damnedest things.
"Why are you doing that?" David demanded.
"Doing- hum-hum-what-hum-hum-hum?" asked Ruby.
"That hum-hum thing," said David. "It's driving me crazy."
"Go with that emotion," Ruby encouraged.
"GET OUT!" David shouted.
David was sort of scary sometimes, and Ruby got.
"How goes it?" asked Del.
"Same old hostility," said Ruby.
"I meant on the campaign trail," said Del.
"Oh, okay, I guess," said Ruby.
"I don't see why he isn't doing excellently," said Del. "After
all, he's got you, hasn't he?"
"Some of the time," Ruby admitted. "He does okay when he
listens to me, too. I'm the one gave him two more fall-down jokes
so he wouldn't keep doing that one with the lawyer and the cell
phone," she bragged.
"Well, you do have some redeeming virtues, don't you?" said
a surprised Del, who was pretty tired of the same joke.
"Yep, but it just ain't working out," said Ruby. "I mean,
first you got this age thing. I mean, men want to emulate and women
want to boff sweet William. You got this looks thing, the one of
'em has hair a gal just wants to take off her shoes and walk in,
and the other one's Dole and his face shows it. He's like Nixon--
got frown lines at his lips even when he smiles. You can tell which
expression is his most-oft-assumed. It's like a roadmap to his
character. He don't understand we like naughty," said Ruby.
"So? Show him," said Del. "God knows you show us often
enough."
"Maybe you're right," said Ruby, snapping her fingers.
The next evening, as Dole told a Ruby-engineered joke there
was a wave of applause, whistles and appreciative catcalls. He
beamed. He went on with his speech and as the music thrummed to a
crescendo, he lifted his arms heavenward and spread his legs,
facing the crowd.
A red satin slipper barely missed causing him severe pain and
he heard an "oops," from behind.
He turned to see Ruby in a red satin showgirl's outfit
complete with head dress, mesh hose glistening and red satin pumps
leaping rhythnmically into the air.
"There's no business like show business," she said.
Dole insisted he couldn't identify the woman whose photo
turned out to be a vapormist, when developed, and none of the
reporters could find her.
END